At Compassionate Care ABA, families often share stories about their child melting down over something as simple as brushing teeth… or shutting down when asked to put shoes on… or suddenly becoming silly, distracted, or “in charge” the moment a direction is given.

When these patterns show up consistently and intensely, parents sometimes wonder:“Is this more than just avoidance?”

Sometimes, it is.This profile is called PDA — Pathological Demand Avoidance — and while the name sounds intimidating, the experience behind it is very real, very human, and very treatable with the right supports.

Let’s break it down, CCABA-style: gently, clearly, and with a whole lot of compassion. 💜

🌱 So… What Exactly Is PDA?

PDA is a profile seen in some autistic children where everyday demands feel overwhelming, even ones they usually enjoy. These children aren’t being “defiant” or “difficult.” They’re experiencing a surge of anxiety the moment something feels like a must instead of a want.

Kids with PDA often:

• Avoid or resist simple requests

• Feel safest when they have control

• Use humor, distraction, or negotiation to escape demands

• Become overwhelmed or panicked when expectations feel too big

• Crave independence and choice

• Struggle with transitions and unpredictability

At its core, PDA is anxiety wrapped in avoidance, not willful disobedience. And once we understand that, everything changes.

💜 Why Typical Approaches Can Fall Flat

Traditional “You have to do this now” expectations tend to make things harder for a child with PDA. Pressure—no matter how gentle—can send their anxiety skyrocketing.

This is why families may notice:

• Rewards don’t always motivate

• Repeating the demand makes the situation spiral

• Predictable routines sometimes increase pushback

• The child becomes increasingly controlling when stressed

These responses aren’t intentional. They’re protective.

So at CCABA, our job becomes reducing the pressure, not increasing it.We shift from compliance to connection.From “do this” to “let’s do this together.”

🌈 How ABA Supports PDA — The CCABA Way

ABA is not one-size-fits-all. When we work with PDA, we use a highly flexible, child-led, anxiety-sensitive style of ABA that honors the child’s need for autonomy, regulation, and trust.

Here’s what that looks like in real life:

🌟 1. We Start With Safety, Trust, and Warm Connection

Before we teach anything, we pair.We earn trust.We follow the child’s lead.

Our therapists spend time getting to know:

• What the child loves

• What feels scary

• How they communicate stress

• What helps them feel safe and seen

When a child feels understood, their defenses soften… and learning becomes possible again.

🌟 2. Low-Demand, High-Collaboration Teaching

PDA children thrive when things feel like an invitation rather than a demand.

We use strategies like:

• Offering choices instead of directions

• Using playful interactions

• Turning tasks into games

• Allowing the child to lead the pace

• Framing requests in gentle, indirect language

Think:“Do you want the blue crayon or green?”instead of“Color this now.”

Small shifts. Big impact. ✨

🌟 3. Demand Flexibility That Respects the Child’s Anxiety

Instead of stacking demands, we carefully deconstruct them.

• Tiny steps

• Lots of breaks

• Collaborative problem-solving

• Previewing expectations

• Predictable, low-pressure routines

We don’t rush the process.We don’t push through panic.We build confidence by helping each child feel capable and in control.

🌟 4. Teaching Kids How to Advocate for Their Needs

A huge part of supporting PDA is teaching the child what to say when things feel too big.

We practice communication like:

• “I need help.”

• “This is too hard.”

• “Can we do it a different way?”

• “I need a break.”

• “Can I choose?”

Self-advocacy reduces anxiety.Reduced anxiety reduces avoidance.It’s a beautiful cycle.

🌟 5. Emotion Regulation, Step by Step

Because PDA is deeply connected to anxiety, we integrate:

• Co-regulation

• Calm-down strategies

• Playful sensory activities

• Gentle transitions

• Mind-body coping tools

• Supportive visuals and prompts

We don’t just teach skills—we teach children how to feel okay during the process.

🌟 6. Empowering Parents Every Step of the Way

Families are the heart of the team.We support parents in learning:

• How to use low-demand strategies at home

• How to avoid power struggles

• How to reduce anxiety triggers

• How to build predictable routines

• How to connect before redirecting

When parents feel confident, kids feel supported.And when kids feel supported, they blossom. 🌸

💖 A Final Thought

Children with PDA aren’t refusing because they don’t care.They’re refusing because they care too much—about expectations, about losing control, about big feelings they can’t yet express.

At CCABA, our mission is to meet them where they are, wrap them in understanding, and help them grow in a way that feels safe, joyful, and empowering.

If you think your child may have PDA—or if you’re looking for gentle, collaborative ABA support—our team would love to help.

Compassionate Care ABAWhere little hands learn big skills, and every child’s journey is honored. 💜